Your thoughts can be toxic too. If You’re Not Choosing, You’re Not Changing – How to Rewire Your Brain and Break Old Patterns

I’ve read the books, so you don’t have to.

One of my big passions is psychology. Those who are old enough, will remember the good old NRA folders we had at school. Do you remember writing down what you wanted to be when you ‘grew-up’? Well, somewhere along the line, I forgot I wanted to be a psychologist - so, it’s no surprise that I have delved into all areas of psychology and positive psychology as a hobby. I love human behaviour, its fascinating. On a quest to fix my own childhood traumas, my own skewed belief system, my toxic thought patterns and to understand myself on a deeper level, I’ve read a plethora of books, done tonnes of energy work and I believe it’s an ongoing journey, for life.

Most people want change. Fewer people realise what it really takes. You can know logically all the reasons you act the way you do, but ‘doing the work’ really needs to land at a time when its meant to. Once it clicks, that’s when you can start the work.

Here’s a simple truth and a quote that resonated with me so much, I decided to start living my life with this quote in mind: If you’re choosing, you’re changing. If you’re not choosing, you’re not changing.

In this post, we’ll explore how your brain resists growth, how belief systems are formed, and how you can use the science of neuroplasticity to change your life with small, conscious choices.

Why Your Brain Resists Change

Your brain’s main job is to keep you safe , not to help you evolve. It runs on patterns and predictability. Even if those patterns make you feel stuck, your brain prefers what it knows. That’s why change can feel uncomfortable. Your nervous system sees new choices as risky, even when they’re good for you.

The voice in your head that says, “This won’t work,” or “You always mess this up,” or “I’m not good enough” - well, believe me, this isn’t the truth, it’s just echoing your old programming. This can feel frustrating, but you can get out of this way of thinking.

How Belief Systems Are Formed

Your belief system is shaped by early experiences. It’s the internal script that tells you what’s possible, safe, or acceptable. But just because you’ve believed something for years doesn’t mean it’s true. Psychologists estimate that up to 95% of your behaviour is driven by your subconscious. That means you’re often reacting based on patterns you didn’t consciously choose.

The good news? You can change those beliefs. But first, you have to interrupt the pattern. This is where - YOU HAVE A CHOICE!

Rewiring Your Brain with Neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity is your brain’s ability to change and create new neural pathways. Every time you think a thought, take an action, or form a habit, you strengthen certain connections in your brain. If you repeat the same behaviour every day, your brain becomes wired to expect and repeat that behaviour.

But when you make a new choice, and do it consistently, you begin to rewire your brain. Joe Dispenza calls this moving out of your “memorised self” and into your future self, the one who’s actively choosing a new way to live.

How to Start Making Better Choices

You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. You just need to make one new choice and stick with it. Over time, these small decisions lead to big changes. My first step was writing that quote on a whiteboard, so it was the first thing I saw every morning.

Try this simple 4-step method:

1. Notice the old pattern/trigger

2. Pause and say, “This is my default”, I’m going to choose something different

3. Ask, “What would the future version of me choose here?”

4. Do that thing, even if it’s uncomfortable

Some examples:

• Instead of scrolling your phone, take three slow breaths

• Instead of saying yes to everything, say, “Let me get back to you”

• Instead of reacting from stress, choose stillness for 30 seconds

The more you practice, the easier it becomes, I promise. And eventually, the new choice becomes the new pattern. Yes it takes time and yes, it takes effort. When I had a negative thought, I’d genuinely either say ‘NO’ out loud, or I would sing a song. Eventually the noise stops.

Change Doesn’t Always Feel Comfortable, But That’s a Sign It’s Working

If you’re waiting to feel ready, you might be waiting forever. Real change feels awkward at first, but the discomfort is a sign that you’re building new pathways, not doing something wrong.

You’re not stuck. You’re just in a loop. And loops can be broken.

I can’t stress enough what a serial self-saboteur and procrastinator I was, it was paralysing! I know it’s real, and I know it’s a trauma response.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be intentional. Start small. Stay curious. And remember that even the tiniest aligned choice is a step toward the life you actually want.

At TalloHouse, we believe real transformation starts with real, grounded decisions, whether that’s what you put on your skin or what you believe about yourself. Subscribe to our TallowTalk newsletter for honest conversations and helpful family swaps.

Love Nicola x